Midway through the wacky sci-fi nonsense of Stephen King’s The Dark Tower, injured protagonist Idris Elba acquires a grip of painkillers. Advised not to take the pills at once, the grim-jawed Elba immediately swallows the handful.
I could relate. Two hours previous, I had eaten a half-ounce mega-brownie the size of my face. A fan of King’s noirish cross-dimensional cowboy fantasy novels since childhood, I kept imagining watching The Dark Tower while unable to critically respond. Ultimately a garbage adaptation of this epic tale about a neo-futuristic gunslinger (Idris Elba) hunting an evil demi-god (Matthew McConaughey), The Dark Tower is only to be viewed under the following conditions.
From the tiny weed shack Ganja Vita, I bought a full ounce of Cascade Growers’ Tangie Sativa for $60. The flower smoked like a rusty nail, but burned down into a nice murky oil using my bulletproof edible recipe. I baked a half-ounce into a single brownie I dubbed “The Oathbreaker.” As I ate the edible, my mind kept saying, “Stop eating this.”